It is a refrain parents of young kids hear all the time: "Treasure every moment! It goes by so fast!" "They will only be young once, enjoy each and every moment!" And part of that is totally true; it does go by so fast. They do grow up so quickly you almost can't keep up. You blink and they have morphed into a new being. But part of that sentiment strikes me as utterly false. You don't HAVE to treasure every moment. And it doesn't make you a bad parent if there are moments you would rather hadn't happened, moments that you would rather sweep under the rug, moments that you are all too happy to forget.
Parenting is hard. Mind-numbingly, bone-wearying exhaustingly hard. Not always, mind you. Sometimes it is the most joyous, easy going lovely thing I have ever done. Those moments when Stella brings me wildflowers she has picked or when Roy just wants to kiss me over and over are the moments I live for. There is absolutely nothing like it and nothing in my life has ever been as satisfying and rewarding until I became a mommy. Not that my life wasn't good before, but mommyhood brought things to a new level of awesome.
But there are times...
Times when my patience can be pushed to new limits. Times when I just need a break. Times when I say things I wish I hadn't said. Times when no amount of gentle discipline can tame the savage preschooler. Times when I have worked all day at my job, worked all evening at home and all I want is an easy bedtime. Times when I have dealt with one tantrum too many. Times when I am so tired of repeating the same rules day in and day out. Times when mommy isn't her best and the kids aren't either.
Don't get me wrong; those times are the exception rather than the rule. I wrote before about how I have made the choice not to spank my kids and I stick by that rule. But that doesn't mean I don't lose my temper and flip out sometimes. And those times are the ones I will not treasure. Those times when I watch my beautiful children turn into crazy people. Those times when my daughter says I don't like her anymore because I punished her or when my son tells me to shut up. The times when I have to follow through on taking away a privilege because my kids didn't follow the rules. The times when I agonize over every decision, convinced that I am ruining my children. The times I cry myself to sleep because I am worried that I hurt my baby's feelings. Those times I will not treasure.
I will never forget holding my babies, watching them breathe, feeling their soft soft skin. I will never forget their births, their birthdays, their birthday cakes, their birthday wishes. I will always remember their innocence and sweetness. I will forever love memories that we make together, but I will not beat myself up over the fact that it isn't all rainbows and lollipops. I work extremely hard to raise my children to be self-sufficient, independent, conscientious, courteous and kind. That doesn't come without its' fair share of bumps and bruises along the way. So don't feel bad if, like me, you need to vent every once in a while. If you need time away, time alone. Just because you don't treasure EVERY moment doesn't mean you don't absolutely adore all the good ones. After all, parenting is only hard if you're doing it right.
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