All the cool kids are doing it

As (mostly) mature adults, parents have usually come to terms with who they are, where their interests lie and in general what their personalities are. One of our biggest jobs is helping our kids figure out who they are; encouraging them to explore new things, supporting their own distinct selves, discover what makes them happy. But we all have our own prejudices that we can't help but pass on to our kids, opinions about things that aren't really important but that we have decided to take a stand on. Things that determine whether you are "that kind" of person or "this kind" of person. For example, I totally detest Crocs. I hate those things. I see kids where them all the time, I hear parents extol the comfortability factor, the ease factor- yadda yadda yadda. I get it. But there is no way in hell I am letting my kids wear those ugly things. We are not "crocs people". Silly?? Totally. But there it is, and I am NOT backing down from it. Russell and I have our own biased ideas and rules: no KidzBop music, no Power Rangers, no stickers allowed on windows, no McDonalds, no saying the words "butt" (its a booty) or "shut up",  I don't think its funny for kids to curse. All parents have defined what kind of people they are and where they draw the line about all kinds of things. And I am not referring to important issues like religion or morality or spirituality. I'm talking about the day to day crap that our kids are exposed to every day; you know, game changers like fashion and music ;)

Along these lines is a concept that has really been bothering me, something that I am trying really hard not to fall victim to in spite of my above-mentioned prejudices. I see a lot of parents who seem to be overly concerned about their kids being "cool". I don't mean cool like popular in school, I mean cool like the parents want to have little mini versions of themselves. Say if mom and dad are old school punk rockers, they want little mini punk rockers. Comic book geeks only want their kids to be into superheroes, techies want kids who are way into design and technology, jocks want star athletes etc. Of course our kids will be influenced by what Russell and I like, but I don't want them to feel like our interests have to be their interests. As much as I may be annoyed by some kid shows, I LOVE that they want to watch them because it means they are still little kids. I want them to hang onto that sweet innocence as long as possible. I want them to think Dora and Diego are cool and believe that the Wonder Pets can really fly in the Fly Boat. In short, I don't want them to grow up too quickly. I don't want them to become jaded or judgemental or too worldly before they have to. So while I won't pretend that I am not thrilled when they ask to watch Star Wars and that they know all of the Marvel comics villains, I don't want to push them out of that precious innocence of childhood too quickly all for the sake of relinquishing "baby" things that aren't cool.

As my kids will both be starting school this fall (kindergarten and pre-k) I am forced to accept that they are growing up. They will be making their own choices more and more, they will be defining themselves more, they will be exposed to so many new people and ideas. And that is great! I am happy about that. But of course I worry about issues like peer pressure and bullies and other unsavory influences. Not much I can do about all the yucky people they will encounter throughout their lives; the only thing we can do is give them the best foundation that we possibly can and continue to support them as they discover themselves.

Every moment is not precious

It is a refrain parents of young kids hear all the time: "Treasure every moment! It goes by so fast!"  "They will only be young once, enjoy each and every moment!" And part of that is totally true; it does go by so fast. They do grow up so quickly you almost can't keep up. You blink and they have morphed into a new being. But part of that sentiment strikes me as utterly false. You don't HAVE to treasure every moment. And it doesn't make you a bad parent if there are moments you would rather hadn't happened, moments that you would rather sweep under the rug, moments that you are all too happy to forget.

Parenting is hard. Mind-numbingly, bone-wearying exhaustingly hard. Not always, mind you. Sometimes it is the most joyous, easy going lovely thing I have ever done. Those moments when Stella brings me wildflowers she has picked or when Roy just wants to kiss me over and over are the moments I live for. There is absolutely nothing like it and nothing in my life has ever been as satisfying and rewarding until I became a mommy. Not that my life wasn't good before, but mommyhood brought things to a new level of awesome.

But there are times...

Times when my patience can be pushed to new limits. Times when I just need a break. Times when I say things I wish I hadn't said. Times when no amount of gentle discipline can tame the savage preschooler. Times when I have worked all day at my job, worked all evening at home and all I want is an easy bedtime. Times when I have dealt with one tantrum too many. Times when I am so tired of repeating the same rules day in and day out. Times when mommy isn't her best and the kids aren't either.

Don't get me wrong; those times are the exception rather than the rule. I wrote before about how I have made the choice not to spank my kids and I stick by that rule. But that doesn't mean I don't lose my temper and flip out sometimes. And those times are the ones I will not treasure. Those times when I watch my beautiful children turn into crazy people. Those times when my daughter says I don't like her anymore because I punished her or when my son tells me to shut up. The times when I have to follow through on taking away a privilege because my kids didn't follow the rules. The times when I agonize over every decision, convinced that I am ruining my children. The times I cry myself to sleep because I am worried that I hurt my baby's feelings. Those times I will not treasure.

I will never forget holding my babies, watching them breathe, feeling their soft soft skin. I will never forget their births, their birthdays, their birthday cakes, their birthday wishes. I will always remember their innocence and sweetness. I will forever love memories that we make together, but I will not beat myself up over the fact that it isn't all rainbows and lollipops. I work extremely hard to raise my children to be self-sufficient, independent,  conscientious, courteous and kind. That doesn't come without its' fair share of bumps and bruises along the way. So don't feel bad if, like me, you need to vent every once in a while. If you need time away, time alone. Just because you don't treasure EVERY moment doesn't mean you don't absolutely adore all the good ones. After all, parenting is only hard if you're doing it right.

Hard-workin' man

I am blessed to have one of those husbands who can fix anything. He is super mechanically inclined, tech-savvy and can teach himself how to do any type of project that he is interested in. Several years ago he completely re-did our kitchen- and I mean completely. He ripped out everything down to the beams in the floor (yep, we could look directly into our basement from the kitchen), cut a hole in the wall to add a bar, closed up the old door, put in french doors, MADE concrete countertops, rebuilt the floor with slate tiles...you get the idea. That kitchen is amazing. The most amazing thing is that he had not done any of those projects before. Ever. He taught himself how to do all of it and if you have seen my kitchen, you know that shit is tight, yo! He is an appliance repair tech by trade and has been with the same company for about 8 years now and has a very loyal client following. He has also always done work on the side for friends, and built up a reputation among local restaurants and salons as the go -to guy for their appliance needs. Dude works hard.

It has been a dream of his for a long time to work for himself. Recently he got his own business started, in addition to continuing his full time job. He also has been doing appliance contract work for a friend, so he has been working THREE jobs. Starting early in the morning before his regular job and working late at night after. We haven't spent much time together because he has been so flipping busy, but I understand. I appreciate all the work that he is doing because he is doing it for us, his family. He has been working hard to put away money, build a solid clientele and lay the proper groundwork so that when he is on his own we won't have to take a financial hit while things get started. I am so in awe of his work ethic, his dedication.

He finally put in his 2 weeks notice this week. SCARY! But exciting. I know that this is this is the right move for him and for our family. I am so proud of him for making this decision and I am really happy that we will bet to see him more than a few minutes a day :) Throughout all of this he has made sure that the time he has been around has been spent snuggling and reading with the kids, encouraging me on my new projects and endeavors and basically making sure we know how much he loves us. He and I were able to get away for a quick 24 hour trip away Friday and that brief respite has recharged us both :) I love to shout that man's praises from the rooftops! Thanks babe, for all that you do.