Reflections

From just a thought, just an idea in my mind, you grew into a tiny being inside me. I carried you, nurtured you, loved you.  I was in awe that you had been created.

On the day you were born, I grew. I grew into a mother instantaneously and knew my mission in life was to protect you. To love and to guide, to keep you grounded and give you wings.

You grew into a toddler and began venturing outside the safe harbor of my arms. You explored and learned and developed strong attitudes and opinions. I watched, terrified and thrilled.

I grew into the mother of a preschooler. A sweet, loving wild-child, who threw her whole heart into absolutely everything she tried. I would burst with pride at every accomplishment; dancing and gymnastics, writing your name. I saw pieces of me and of your father, saw the magic of the two of us creating the walking/talking embodiment of the next generation of our family.

You've grown into a Kindergartener. A school-aged child. You are branching out on your own adventures, the beginnings of your own path in life. This is the time when you will be making friends I don't know, learning things from someone other than me. I am excited and scared in equal measure. How hard this is!! How amazing you are!! I feel like I am sending my heart out into the world.

We have grown together, you and I. I have taught you many things, but you have taught me many more. You are growing up and I am growing stronger. You are growing wings and I am growing braver. You are growing your mind and I am growing prouder of you each day.

As you begin this next monumental phase of your life my daughter, please remember:
          "I'll like you forever, I'll love you for always.
           As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be."

Roy turns 4!

Holy crap, it cannot be true. My baby cannot be about to turn 4!! What?? That is officially "big boy" status. Obviously it is a bittersweet time for me. Growing up is a good thing, but it also freaks me out because I feel like time is just going faster and faster. I have been nostalgic all day, thinking of my little man and all of the stages he has gone through and will go through in the future. One of the best things about being a mom is watching your child learn new things; one of the other best things is learning about yourself. In honor of Roy's 4th, I want to list some of the things he has taught me.

1. Birth is a tandem experience.
My birth with Stella was induced, and had way more interventions than were necessary. While it was of course still beautiful and amazing and life changing, it was more like something that was happening "to me" as opposed to something I was an active participant in. It is the reason I became a doula and the reason I decided to have a natural birth with Roy. Roy's birth was not only natural, it was very clear that he and I were working together to get him out into the world. That my friends, is a game-changer in the way this mama looked at birth. Obviously it is up to each mama to decide what is right for her and her baby, but when people ask why on earth I would want an unmedicated birth, I immediately think of how amazing it was to truly know that my baby was doing what he was supposed to do and that we were in in together, working towards a common goal.

2. Intuition is not an old wives' tale.
I was due Sunday August 2nd. I worked until Friday July 31st, two days before my due date. People were a little freaked to see a hairstylist still on her feet at 40 weeks. I felt great!!! But I KNEW he was coming that Tuesday. I just did. I knew I would work out my schedule, have a couple days to rest, and he would be born on the 4th.  I was already dilated and effaced pretty well at my 39 week checkup, but I wasn't having contractions or any other "signs". But I knew when he was coming. I woke up at 5am that Tuesday, having good strong contractions. I let Russell sleep another hour, then woke him up and told him it was happening. I was totally calm. Intuition is no joke.

3.  I can balance WAY more than I thought I was capable of.
Two kids. Full time job. Enough said.

4.  I LOVE having a boy and a girl.

5.  Testosterone-fueled dudes still like to cuddle.
Ok, really his daddy taught me this, but still, Roy reinforces it. I have NEVER met such a "DUDE" who is soooooooo sweet and cuddly and affectionate.

There are things that I learn every day from my children. I hope that they learn as much from me as I do from them. I look forward to each and every year with them! Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go cry into my pillow because my baby isn't a baby anymore.