As (mostly) mature adults, parents have usually come to terms with who they are, where their interests lie and in general what their personalities are. One of our biggest jobs is helping our kids figure out who they are; encouraging them to explore new things, supporting their own distinct selves, discover what makes them happy. But we all have our own prejudices that we can't help but pass on to our kids, opinions about things that aren't really important but that we have decided to take a stand on. Things that determine whether you are "that kind" of person or "this kind" of person. For example, I totally detest Crocs. I hate those things. I see kids where them all the time, I hear parents extol the comfortability factor, the ease factor- yadda yadda yadda. I get it. But there is no way in hell I am letting my kids wear those ugly things. We are not "crocs people". Silly?? Totally. But there it is, and I am NOT backing down from it. Russell and I have our own biased ideas and rules: no KidzBop music, no Power Rangers, no stickers allowed on windows, no McDonalds, no saying the words "butt" (its a booty) or "shut up", I don't think its funny for kids to curse. All parents have defined what kind of people they are and where they draw the line about all kinds of things. And I am not referring to important issues like religion or morality or spirituality. I'm talking about the day to day crap that our kids are exposed to every day; you know, game changers like fashion and music ;)
Along these lines is a concept that has really been bothering me, something that I am trying really hard not to fall victim to in spite of my above-mentioned prejudices. I see a lot of parents who seem to be overly concerned about their kids being "cool". I don't mean cool like popular in school, I mean cool like the parents want to have little mini versions of themselves. Say if mom and dad are old school punk rockers, they want little mini punk rockers. Comic book geeks only want their kids to be into superheroes, techies want kids who are way into design and technology, jocks want star athletes etc. Of course our kids will be influenced by what Russell and I like, but I don't want them to feel like our interests have to be their interests. As much as I may be annoyed by some kid shows, I LOVE that they want to watch them because it means they are still little kids. I want them to hang onto that sweet innocence as long as possible. I want them to think Dora and Diego are cool and believe that the Wonder Pets can really fly in the Fly Boat. In short, I don't want them to grow up too quickly. I don't want them to become jaded or judgemental or too worldly before they have to. So while I won't pretend that I am not thrilled when they ask to watch Star Wars and that they know all of the Marvel comics villains, I don't want to push them out of that precious innocence of childhood too quickly all for the sake of relinquishing "baby" things that aren't cool.
As my kids will both be starting school this fall (kindergarten and pre-k) I am forced to accept that they are growing up. They will be making their own choices more and more, they will be defining themselves more, they will be exposed to so many new people and ideas. And that is great! I am happy about that. But of course I worry about issues like peer pressure and bullies and other unsavory influences. Not much I can do about all the yucky people they will encounter throughout their lives; the only thing we can do is give them the best foundation that we possibly can and continue to support them as they discover themselves.
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