Bikini double standard

Summertime and the living is easy...until it's time to buy a bathing  suit. Bikini body, beach ready body, get your body in shape for a bikini...ugh, fuck that noise. Fortunately I've read lots of body positive articles declaring that in order to get a bikini body, one must simply put a bikini on their body. At least there are SOME positive messages out there!
Since carrying and giving birth to four children, my body has changed tremendously. I haven't worn a bikini since I was pregnant with Stella, 9 years ago when I proudly flaunted that baby bump. I've struggled off and on to "bounce back" (such a bullshit concept) but I am still in possession of a rounded, chubby midsection. I do not blame childbirth, or my love of food, because I don't believe "blame" needs to be assigned anywhere. I have plenty of friends who have more children than I do yet have firm stomachs. I know a combo of genetics, age and love of hot wings are all factors. I work out, run, eat well 95% of the time. I do not feel guilty about food: life is too short and cake is fucking delicious. I am strong and healthy and happy and blessed and my tummy does not define me. Yet...I cannot buy a bikini. There is no legitimate reason and I fully support ANY woman wearing WHATEVER she wants. I don't believe that it is necessary for women to "hide their problem areas". Please!!! Men with prodigious stomachs and bigger boobs than mine sport tiny suits and go topless all summer. Whatever!!! You do you, boo! And yet...I can't buy a bikini. What is this mental block I have? I can't let go of this body issue for myself. Apparently it is ingrained too deeply. And I know I'm not alone. Will this be the summer I conquer it? I'm not sure. I am sure I'll have another beer though.